Maybe shadow walkers, vengeful roadkill, mysterious fog, and giant dogmen are enough to keep you off the road this Halloween. For me? Black licorice or liquorice for my mates across the pond.
Nasty, vile, disgusting stuff. I think that’s the actual promo on the side of the bag. Well, it should be! As Dipper Pines would say, “Looser candy.” No one? No “Gravity Falls” fans?
Mr. Fuzzyspank Mystery Bagels would rather eat black licorice than drive through the fog of Kentucky again. Pride Transport brings us the story in this article.
Costco was in dire need of Spiderman dolls, so our hero heads out along Route 265 at 3 a.m. on a foggy morning. Tired, he takes a couple of NoDoz caffeine pills and keeps on rolling.
That’s when a fog rolls in and appears to sap his rig of all power. Stalled on the side of the road in fog, as thick as Trevor Milton’s bullshit, his calls for help are futile, as even the cellphone service was, uh … dead.
A faint crying is heard in the distance. Over what seems like hours, it grows louder and morphs into the sound of a grown woman crying. At 6-foot-3 and 250 pounds, hardspank916 is no small man, but he is shaken to the core.
Rolling down his window and asking if anyone was in need of help, all he hears is the crying slowly change to a sinister bone-chilling laugh.
Rolling up the window, he sinks into his seat and wishes, no, prays he is back home eating licorice candy.
Still, a bit shaken by the fog, Bagels discovers his truck is about empty and pulls off the main road to find fuel. Bad move. Something is wrong — he has been driving for an hour and hasn’t seen any headlights. No city lights, no street lights, just darkness, and pavement.
Something appears in the middle of the road. Slowing down as he approaches, he glances quickly as he passes. “What the hell is that?” he exclaimed, as he slams on the brakes. Backing up a bit, he gets out of the cab and walks toward the mass in the road.
In the cold motionless air, his brake lights reveal steam rising from a pile of raw meat. A rib cage can be seen fully intact but with no skin, no fur — just meat and bones. Debating whether to call the police, as this was big enough to be human, he glances down and sees a half-eaten bag of black licorice candy.
Screaming, he runs for the cab of his rig and tries to forget the awful image as he gains speed.
Finding a service plaza in the middle of nowhere Kentucky might be a little strange to some, but to Mr. Fuzzyspank Mystery Bagels, it was just what his nerves needed.
Kicked back while fueling, he notices a lightning storm rolling in. It’s a fast one, and suddenly, it is on top of the plaza. A couple of intense flashes and all power is lost. In the pitch dark, some might say dark as black licorice, he sees a bright light closing in from above. Not flashing, but steady and slow. Too slow to be an aircraft.
It moves over the tree line and directly above, casting everything in an eerie blue light. Stopping, it suddenly goes dark.
Then moments later, the craft is gone and the sky is clear as a bell. Stars shine brightly as the lights and power are restored.
As he walks toward the plaza to check on everyone inside, he notices something lying by the door. As he approaches, it became all too clear what it was.
A half-eaten bag of black licorice. Returned by the aliens no doubt.
OK, so I may have taken a few liberties with those stories. Check out the article yourself. It can get confusing as to who is who and who is in the fog or being abducted by aliens.
The only thing I am certain of is that none of them would tell you black licorice is on their must-have list of Halloween candy.
Peace and love.